Ebb and Flow or...?

 I did not make a post yesterday, Wednesday, as I said I was going to. I am sorry, past-Stephanie, you with your eyes optimistically shining bright, making the naïve assumption that future-Stephanie would be able to stick to a regular posting schedule. I, present-Stephanie, am here to say that, sadly, that probably isn't true.

But I might get close. Today, for instance, is Thursday, and Thursday is just Wednesday plus a few extra hours. 

I also took a three day break from embroidery. And, though I did fulfill the challenge I set for myself last week to draw 7 drawings from reference, I didn't do any sort of art at all yesterday. Every so often I go to do the things I have set out to do, trying to fulfill the goals that I have created for myself (like posting to this blog every Wednesday or drawing or embroidering every day) and a small voice in the back of my head says, "Hm... I don't wanna."

And, actually, I'm trying to honor that little voice, to take it seriously, because the feeling isn't arising for no reason. The real trick is to figure out what the reason is. I thought about it a lot yesterday.

Is it the natural ebb and flow of creation? Sometimes the ideas and work are flowing fast and I feel excited to get to it and I lose myself in it and at other times, I just feel like I need to take a step back. It could be that. 

Or is it that I have an inherent aversion to schedules and when I try to follow them, I'm prone to eventually begin to rebel against them, even if I created them myself? There is absolutely something to that. I have found that I have dueling forces inside of me and one of them is a scheduling/organizing dynamo and the other is a messy, disorganized free spirit. Which means I like to make to-do lists and then toss them out and say, "Screw that!" So, there might be something to that as well.

Or it could be the making-public aspect of this journey. No matter how small my audience is on Instagram or here (or any other platform I choose to experiment with in the future), the fact of the matter is, I am putting my art into the public eye and that is a thing that is uncomfortable for me and probably always will be. I'm certainly more comfortable with it than I was before I started doing it, but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where it just feels natural and easy. Or maybe it will, who knows? One can hope.

I think that little voice and that I-don't-wanna feeling probably pop up due to a combination of all three of these factors (and maybe because of other things I haven't considered), but I really do think it's important to listen to it. Sometimes I'm ready to come back to it right away. Sometimes it takes longer. But there's really no point in trying to force it. 

I'd like to report back on the challenge I set for myself. I did do 7 drawings from reference, but I didn't do them daily, as I had wanted. I did for the first 4 days, skipped days 5 and 6, and made up for it on day 7 by drawing more than what I needed to make up the missed days. I drew a few portraits from photos and a few objects from around the house. The portraits felt very disappointing. I don't think I'm going to show them, despite my intention to be willing to show bad art. (I don't have to show everything, for goodness' sake.) I don't know if I was just out of practice or what. Possibly I wasn't giving myself enough time. 

I will show you a couple of the drawings of objects. This is a LaCroix can and a tiny owl vase that I bought from Target.

I think they turned out fine, if not terribly accurate. I think I got the general idea and I think they are recognizable as what they are supposed to be. A little more time might have resulted in more accurate representations, but I guess that's not what I'm aiming for necessarily. After all, it's a sketchbook sketch. It's practice, it's not meant for a freaking gallery show.

I liked this challenge and I think it was good for me, so I'm going to try to do it again this coming week. One thing I learned was that I need to be mindful of what objects I'm choosing to draw. I'm not going to feel enthusiastic about just any old thing. I'll report back next week to let you know how it went.