The Why and The How

 

Alright. So, on to the Why of this blog and my project, "Operation Level Up My Art." I mentioned in my last post how I've always felt myself to be a creative person, since I was very young. I mentioned my perfecting of the art of drawing unicorns. My dad taught me how to do that. In fact, I probably got my love of creating art partly from him. He has always set an example by trying out some new artform. He's tried painting, drawing, sculpture, and photography in the course of his life, and his results are always great. 

From my mom, I learned how to embroider and sew. When I was little I was always drawn to her embroidery floss stash, which she kept in a little tin container all in a tangled-up mess. She'd just find the color she needed and pull it out of the chaos. When I was in the 9th grade she took me to the fabric store and helped me pick out a pattern and some fabric and with her help, I created my first wearable garments, a top and a skirt. I very specifically remember the feeling of pride I had when a girl I admired complimented my skirt and I told her that I had made it myself. My mother had this 70's sewing box made of hard blue plastic. She passed away three years ago and her trusty sewing box lives at my house now. It's lid is half broken, but I don't know that I will ever get rid of it.

I feel like creativity and art made up a major part of my life as I was growing up. I think a turning point came when I reached high school. At the end of ninth grade when we were picking out electives for our 10th grade year, I opted out of Art class for the first time in my educational history. I think I felt intimidated. I thought the kids who would take art in high school would be Very Serious about art and that they would all be better than me and I didn't want to embarrass myself. So, I opted out for all the rest of my high school years. Once in college, I signed up for Art 101, but couldn't muster up the nerve to go to the first class, and I ended up dropping the course.

Throughout adulthood, I feel very much as though I have relegated my art practice to simply "dabbling." I would occasionally pick up a pencil and a sketchbook and work on a few drawings, but the times in between practicing would stretch out to weeks, months, or even years. 

Recently, things have gotten a bit better. My children (and there are four of them) are getting older and have less immediate need of me. To be sure, they still do need me and they take a lot of my time. My youngest is 12 and my second youngest is 16 and both of them are homeschooled. But they certainly don't need my constant attention in the same way they did even a handful of years ago. So, I have found that I have more time and energy to focus on my own artistic pursuits. I even went ahead and took that college level art class when I went back to school to get an Associate's Degree. I was nervous when I first started it, but after discovering that everyone else in that class was there to learn, just like me, and that they weren't all artistic dynamos, I settled into it and really enjoyed myself. And part of that class involved everyone putting their finished drawings up on the wall for everyone else to critique! Amazingly, I had no problem with that. Enjoyed it, even! The photo above is from that class, from an assignment to create a "self-portrait" still life drawing.

Shortly after my mother died, I took up embroidery in a more serious way than I had ever approached it previously and I decided to really apply myself to it as an artform. I also created an Instagram account so that I could "show my work" as Austin Kleon writes. 

Side note: That makes the second time I've mentioned my mother's death since I started writing. I keep asking myself, what does that have to do with this? And, okay, maybe I haven't thought too deeply about it before this moment. But, of course the two things are related. I suppose there's nothing like the death of a loved one to make you realize how short life is, especially when it's the death of someone you literally thought of as a given in your life. I still sometimes think that it's simply impossible and absurd that she's gone. What nonsense! But when you accept the reality, then you accept that it can happen to you, too, and if that's the case, there's really no better time to live your life the way you want to live it than right now. And maybe it all has something to do with wanting to impress her, to show her what I am capable of, even if she's no longer here to see.

Anyway, showing my work was a very scary thing for me to do, but I've had the Instagram account for more than two years now and it's been a very rewarding experience. I even opened an Etsy shop and I've sold a few pieces, which has been amazing. Who would have ever thought I could sell something I created to another human being? A stranger, no less! And I purchased an iPad last year that would enable to me to create and sell embroidery patterns on my Etsy shop and so that I could learn more about digital art through the Procreate app. (Jury's still out on whether or not I enjoy creating patterns, but I do love learning about creating digital art.)

All of this artistic growth has been wonderful, but I still feel like I have so far to go. I want to improve my skills, yes, but I also want to discover who I am as an artist. I want to figure out what sort of things I really enjoy exploring artistically and then, well, explore those things. A lot. So I can get better at them. What is my artistic style? How much can it vary? What kinds of things do I want to say with my art? These are just some of the questions I want to ask myself and maybe even figure out the answers to, although I am kind of assuming the answers change and morph as time goes on, so that there is never a definitive end to the search.

That's basically the Why of this project. Because I want to make up for lost time. Because I want to explore a part of myself I haven't really given a chance to grow as much as I should have. Because I want to make my Mama proud.

As for the How? This blog post has gotten a bit long and I'm tempted to put this part off until next week, but I'd rather get into some actual documentation of learning and exploration ASAP, so I'll keep the answer to the question of How I intend to do this project here in today's post.

I'm going to try out various methods of growth. I assume some of them will be more worthwhile than others, but I'm open to figuring that out as I go along. I can keep the methods that work well for me and let go of what doesn't.

I want to learn from others. In that vein, I'll be watching YouTube tutorials, reading books, and taking paid classes (probably online, but in person would be nice too, assuming neither COVID nor my wallet are deterrents) when I can.

I will be trying out challenges. I have found "Draw This In Your Style" Challenges on Instagram to be very useful and fun to do. I might try a 100 Day challenge. And anything else I come across that looks interesting. These things help a lot with offering up ideas to fill a blank page/screen/embroidery hoop.

I will experiment, try new things, and make an effort to step out of my comfort zone.

I will post to this blog and my Instagram account as consistently as possible for a means of accountability. As mentioned, I'll be posting to this blog every Wednesday. I want to try for Monday-Friday with Instagram.

I will do my best to remove any emotional attachment to the "numbers game." Meaning I don't want to care about followers, views, likes, comments, etc. That is so hard, and I don't even know why, but I'm getting better at it.

I will not worry about posting "bad art." Ugh. This is a hard one, but it's about the journey, not the destination, and also, there is no destination. It can be useful to see my own progress and if it's useful to me, why wouldn't it be useful for others as well?

So, there you go. The Why and the How. I'll see you next week, when I will be sharing some of the art I've made in the past as well as some more recent explorations.